Let Them Go and Swim

Parenting is a challenge at all stages. Hopefully we raise our children to learn to be themselves and individuate while always wanting them to remain a part of us. As our children grow into themselves it is important that they know in life that they are allowed to advocate for themselves and individuate and grow into who they are. It is a journey and oftentimes it looks like they are pulling away from others, and in some ways they are, but it also brings them closer to who they are truly going to become. As moms our jobs are to watch our children do the hard and sometimes dangerous work of becoming themselves without always saving them…right away😜. 
Being a parent is much like these two pictures.  The picture made me think of the journey we have as mother’s and children. Children go out into the water filled with sharks and other dangers (🦈 😜) on their own because they must.  Throughout life they will run back a little closer to us, or even check where we are in relation to them. And even though they won’t typically ask for help, we will be very close by forever watching and ever ready when they call out to us. 

Therapeutically, we must allow them access to this journey. And we, as parents, must allow ourselves to be ever present and ever ready but sometimes only watching from dry land. 

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AN OBSERVATION: Caring For Our Loved Ones

Families have changed so much over the years to the point where the non-traditional family IS the traditional family and is normal (as a relative term). But one thing remains, when the head of the non-traditional family falls ill the family must create a new tradition…a new normal. 

Emotionally this can be rewarding and difficult. To care for a loved one that has cared so much for their family can be a gift of repayment. To hold their hand, drive them all over the world, wait excessive hours with them for various doctors, encourage compliance as they once did their family member, and more IS love. For some it’s duty but what a better mental health reframe to see it as giving love. 

In the same instance it’s exhausting. The obvious of course is it’s physically tiring but also because loving hard and loving long is exhausting. 

I don’t have any amazing words of advice or mental health antidotes from this but I can say acknowledging the duality and parallel process is healing and transformative. Also reframing this idea of duty and physical exhaustion to giving love and being an example of the love that was given. 

Feeling tired in positive love for the non-traditional family system is “easier” on the mind and body than feeling exhausted physically. 

A very important person wrote this: 

“380 days ago I sat in the Zurich airport waiting to board my plane bringing me back home after coming face to face with religious extremism in Burkina Faso just 5 days prior. I was surrounded by African refugees wearing their nicest clothes, some in burkas others in suits. Some were with their entire families, some were alone. There were kids, men, women, all of them human beings, my brothers and sisters. They were all nervous and excited to begin their new lives in America, the greatest country in the world. I was damned proud to be an American that day! 

When I felt fear creeping up on me I thought back to a fresh promise I made to myself while hiding literally two feet from Al Qaida gunmen that killed 30 people. I conceded they won that night, but if I got out alive I vowed they would not win the following night or any night thereafter. I vowed fear would not cloud my judgment, I vowed not to sacrifice my humanity, I vowed not to hate. I vowed to love, to understand others and to fight for the rights of those oppressed and attacked by ignorance. 

Today as I look around at the racist and blatantly anti-Muslim actions of my government and the hateful ignorant rhetoric of my fellow citizens that support these actions I am ashamed. I am ashamed that we are allowing fear to dictate the policies of this great country. That we are actively allowing fear to tear apart the moral fabric of this country. Ashamed that American values of compassion, kindness and diversity have been replaced by hate, racism and fear. This is not strength. This does not make America better. This weakens us a Nation.

I stand in opposition to this administration and the values it promotes. They win tonight, but they will not win tomorrow.”

This young man, a dear friend’s brother was the victim of terrorist attack. While I prayed for him and my close friend and their family he prayed to live a life of acceptance, compassion, love, understanding, and respect for ALL people. Please read and ponder his words. 

Whatever your political view we all are a part of this diverse world. With so many issues in our world what do these words mean to you? How can and will you make a difference. “They win tonight but they will not win tomorrow.” 

When is your tomorrow!?

(Also posted this on my Facebook page http://www.renewedserenityLLC.facebook.com)

Relationship advice

Here is a well written article, not by me, about how men can be there for their partners. 

I would like to add that for men to support their partners while they are “falling apart” the partner must communicate what their wants and needs are. It is best to communicate these things when you are “whole” or before you “fall apart”. People can hear each other better when not in crisis. It’s also easier to communicate your needs before you become exhausted or in panic. 

https://familyshare.com/26288/how-to-reset-your-wife-when-shes-falling-apart

The power gift of physical presence

This week has been powerful. Powerful enough for me to post when I haven’t in months lol. 

Many of you know I teleconference many patients (Thank you Synsormed), some here in Georgia and some in other countries.  This week a patient I have never met, from another country made a special visit to Atlanta for two reasons. To see me being one of those reasons. I was humbled but anxious. The visit validated what I have always known.  “To be in the presence of another human being is a gift.” As she cried and I teared up I felt blessed. My patient has made amazing strides in this past year through all the work she has done. But I must say, in several hours over two days in my presence we dwelved into soome of her deepest issues because as she put it “my touch and being in this office brought up something deep inside [she’s] been wanting to discuss.” She has discussed these things briefly before but been able to run from the conversation easier when not in my presence.  

Technology is an amazing gift. Because of technology, I have been able to reach out and help someone that may not have been able to receive therapy over the past year.  Because of technology, she was able to get to me in a 3day notice.  However, with all the blessings of technology the ability to be in eachothers physical presence was the greatest. Which is why I moved to write this.

Never forget that energy passes between beings.  It passes without being in eachothers presence but is even stronger when we share the air between us behind  the same 4 walls. Energy is transfered when we smile but also when we touch. A hug is transformational. The ability to be physically there for someone is a gift.  It’s like a light switch.  Energy flows the the electrical lines like energy flows through the shared air we breathe and when we touch we turn on a light that will forever shine. Please spend the time and energy to to on someone else’s light and allow someone to turn on your light from within. 

Changing Our World Today

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​Playing golf has been a sanctuary to me.  Away from kids. Leaving the  phone in the car (8 text messages and 4 emails awaited me in 1 hour). Challenging my body and clearing my mind.  Connecting with my father and his loss in the sport he loved (I am not going to be gutting and scaling fish. One his other many favorite past times lol).

But Thursday everything in my game was off. After analyzing myself I realized it’s because my mind is upset by the world today. I can not stop thinking about the state of our world…how we are still racially divided even though we are not…I can not stop praying for my family…I CAN NOT STOP PRAYING FOR MY SON AND what his world will look like!  I am sure my father and mother worried the same and I know they both worked tirelessly to break down racism. But racism exists and the world is not color blind.

I have heard my friends tell me “I don’t see color” but how can you not? I’ve said I worry for my son and friends say don’t “it will get better” “color doesn’t matter like it used to.” Really? How are you so sure? I am positive color matters and I pray it will get better.

My mind cleared in last 15m of my game. I don’t know why but it’s grieving again and in a format like Facebook renewedserenityllc I’m sharing my personal thoughts and feelings, not just pictures of the kids, because we all have to stand for something. If I hide in silence so I don’t lose potential clients or referrals or piss off friends I am not being the woman my father and mother raised. A woman of conviction who stands for something, who knows if we communicate and open our minds to the experience of others things CAN and WILL change. Please lets talk but most importantly lets also listen to each other

PTSD and Scandal and the Sitcoms

I am tearful listening to and watching Scandal portray trauma and victims of trauma as weak and vulnerable and easily manipulated.  Trauma can cripple but trauma exposure can also make us stronger.  Not everyone has to stay a “victim.”  Not every survivor is a wounded, weak, easily manipulated person changed by time and experience.  There is so much research that trauma changes our brains and our ability to function but doesn’t always make us weak and easily manipulated.  Trauma is an event that challenges our spirit and our definition of ourselves.  It shapes our minds and shifts our core.  But it can also make us compassionate, intuitive, and deeply passionate.  Our minds can be sharp and strong.  Empower survivors.  Encourage survivors, uplift them for they have faced what so many cannot fathom.  Not to be distorted by media or manipulated for entertainment but celebrated in life and and the thriving that can come from surviving.

Understanding The Darker Side of Elsa in “Frozen”

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Patient sent me this and I thought it was pretty cool.

http://www.cracked.com/blog/let-it-go-suicide-note-6-ways-frozen-super-dark/

Well written and gets you thinking about how complex depression is yet if we open our eyes and minds it’s easy to see and understand.

What do you think? Anyone see the underlying mental healthy issues in this or any other movie like it?

The Darker Side of Let It Go.

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Patient sent me this and I thought it was pretty cool.

http://www.cracked.com/blog/let-it-go-suicide-note-6-ways-frozen-super-dark/

Well written and gets you thinking about how complex depression is yet if we open our eyes and minds it’s easy to see and understand.

What do you think? Anyone see the underlying mental healthy issues in this or any other movie like it?

Link

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Patient sent me this and I thought it was pretty cool.

http://www.cracked.com/blog/let-it-go-suicide-note-6-ways-frozen-super-dark/

Well written and gets you thinking about how complex depression is yet if we open our eyes and minds it’s easy to see and understand.

What do you think? Anyone see the underlying mental healthy issues in this or any other movie like it?