Another blog that I read posed the following question:
If you could spend the next year as someone radically different from the current “you” — a member of a different species, someone from a different gender or generation, etc. — who would you choose to be?
Radical is not a word I use often. At first glance I’d want to be me, but a RADICALLY better me.
I’d want to be the unrealistic, unattainable, self that I aspire to be. I’d want to be THE expert in my field. Someone that touches the lives of people I’ve never met. Someone Oprah wants to know and other therapists want to model. I’d want to create change in the world; increase our understanding of each other; build empathy; and, not just touch lives, but change them. I’d want to ALWAYS feel confident; NEVER allowing my past to cast doubt and insecurity. Not sensitive to rejection and NEVER wavering in my faith in God. I’d want to be wealthy and well traveled. I’d want to speak at least one other language. And, I’d want my children to ALWAYS LIKE me.
As I write this, I now feel two things. First and foremost, I am proud that I want to be who I am. Then, I am disappointed that i don’t see myself as those things already. I can’t see myself as this ideal not just because it’s ideal, but because for one I used absolutes to describe “me.” Absolutes give us no room to grow and learn from successes or mistakes. I don’t want that. Absolutes provide no depth to who we are. I want the opposite of that. I desire depth in who I am. And, secondly, because I am those things and do those things in some way, form or fashion already and what flaws I have they MAKE me all of these things.
So, if I could, I’d be me. Not a better me, but a more accepting me. Not more accepting of others, but more accepting of me. I’d touch my life with more empathy, understanding, and forgiveness everyday for the next year. I’d be sensitive and embrace my flaws. I’d educate myself in my passions and interests and I’d look up to me. If I could do this, I’d be a better me, an expert therapist more able to touch the lives of others, and liked by my children (hopefully, financial wealth will continue to grow and so will my fluency in another language too). THAT’S WHO I’D BE.
Guess I just made my New Year’s resolution.